As cited in my last writing, we all have experienced trauma. But, how does it affect us in our relationships? How does anything still sitting with us, unresolved, show up in our everyday life? How can we address and express our needs to the person we care about? How does it affect the way we interact, react, and respond to our partner?
This is about becoming curious about ourselves, and addressing our deep-rooted emotions. It’s about benefitting yourself, and the one you love. It’s about making a commitment to yourself, so you can make a commitment to your relationship.
In the movie Good Will Hunting, it shows us the importance of a mentor in an abused child’s life. Beloved Robin Williams helps that adult child choose to embrace both his abilities to pursue a career that uses his immense intelligence, and follow his heart to go after the girl he loves. It meant working through his pains at his own pace. Will Hunting was able to see the good that could be his life.
How does our unhealed emotional wound manifest? We may or may not be fully aware of how our past is affecting how we interact with someone else that we care about. You may be feeling vulnerable or confused about what is safe, and find it difficult to trust another person. You may be finding it difficult to enjoy sex, or to be mentally present with your partner. It may be hard for the one you love to understand your reactions.
How can we meet our own needs in order to be there for our loved one? We all have a human need for safety and security. We may feel the need to isolate when what we really want is quality time or physical touch with our partner. Working through possible body image concerns, feelings of fight or flight, and learning how to become connected to ourselves may be necessary in order for us to feel comfortable with getting our needs met. We may need to set boundaries with our partner, with honesty of why we feel the need for safety.
How does past trauma affect the way we address conflicts within our present relationship? Being through something traumatic can interrupt our emotional processing. It can make it difficult for you to articulate what is really going on inside. You may be feeling anger, distrust, be experiencing anxiety or panic attacks, or find yourself disengaged from your partner. This can cause conflict and miscommunication. In turn, it can make it difficult for your partner with well intentions to know what kind of support to provide.
(It may be helpful to share this past blog with your partner to help them better be able to be there for you as you both work on moving forward in your relationship.)
Know that there are ways for you, and also your partner, to become trauma-informed and compassionate with yourself while also maintaining your personal boundaries and safety within your relationship. It is a delicate situation to address. Yet, there is hope for healing, and seeing the good that could be your life.
To read more on what trauma therapy is like, click here.
If you’ve been struggling, please don’t hesitate to reach out here. You will receive a space of non-judgment and guidance. If this article was helpful for you, please don’t hesitate to share this with someone else you feel could also benefit.
Amy
1. How does our unhealed emotional wound manifest?
2. How can we meet our own needs in order to be there for our loved one?
3. How does past trauma affect the way we address conflicts within our present relationship?