What you’re feeling –What is it really?

How do you feel?  That question may sound like pop psychology, but there’s nothing pop about it. There are things that will trigger feelings or reactions in you that have usually stemmed from somewhere; but sometimes we’re just not in touch with why it makes us feel what we feel.

The above is why us therapists have a duty to ask you questions to find out what’s really going on— so we can help you identify it, work through resolving it, and help you take steps to move forward.  What makes you think the way you do?  You may already know the answer.

Yet, I have seen people come to a realization or epiphany when they hadn’t been able to associate where their anger comes from, or why anger scares them.  They’ve been able to see where feelings of codependency, stress, shame, guilt, anxiety, self esteem, depression, compulsions, or grief stems from.  It’s much like being triggered to use if you have a substance-abuse issue. You turn to the substance to not have to deal with what’s really going on for you.  When we feel uncomfortable, we do whatever we can to try to make ourselves feel better. 

Give yourself permission.  Being able to identify and accept your feelings, and anything that has happened as related to your feelings, really is a big step forward.  If you don’t allow yourself to see what is going on, you will most likely have a hard time becoming, “unstuck” from where you are that is not allowing you to be able to move forward in a happier and healthier place, allowing yourself to be human and feel.

Become open to introspection.  It’s not the easiest thing to look in the mirror so you can understand why you have unresolved feelings.  But, if you can move through this, your perspective and perception can change, and then so can your present relationships.  There is much to learn through the pain, with the benefit of being able to be comfortable with yourself. 

Your perception is your reality.  Once you have started to look within, you then have the chance to consciously choose to shift your perspective, beginning to see things anew. This can then lead to feeling accomplished, empowered, and motivated to redefine yourself.  I’ve seen people be really proud of their progress! 

Give yourself and others a break.  Once you get it, and if you can act from a place of compassion—towards yourself, towards others that may have caused you pain, and towards others in your life that may not understand how to act in a favorable way, or do not know what you’ve been through—your pain has a better chance of hurting less.  You do not have to be where you’ve been. You do not have to take on the role of victim, but that of survivor.

You have the power to be a survivor.   When you’re able to get in touch you’re your feelings, allowing them to flow as they happen, your mind and our body can release.  You no longer need what we’ve been using as a distraction.  Read more about the mind/body connection here.

How can you channel your power?  There are things you can use daily to ensure you allow yourself your feelings, instead of using old ways that only numb you out.  There’s no cookie-cutter answer that applies to everyone. To get an idea of where you might get started:  You can begin to identify your triggers.  You can notice what’s going on for you without judgment.  You can engage in activities that calm you. You can begin to stop old thoughts that haven’t been serving you--creating new, more positive, ones.  You can write about it—whether it’s in the form of a journal to yourself, or a letter to someone that hurt you.  You can share or talk about it with someone you trust.  Things can work quickly or slowly, but they can work if you keep on working with them.  

If you want to address things, but need a bit of motivation, look here.  

The above is a good depiction of what it’s like to work with a therapist.  If you can open yourself up, you then have opened yourself up to the possibility of hopefulness, happiness, or peace.  If you feel you could benefit from therapy, please always feel free to reach out.  If you read this, and thought of somebody else, please also feel free to like and share with them.


1.   Give yourself permission.  

2.   Become open to introspection. 

3.   Your perception is your reality.  

4.   Give yourself and others a break. 

5.   You have the power to be a survivor.   

6.   How can you channel your power?